In the mental health arena, resilience refers to one’s ability to deal with situations and events that place stress on one’s life.  It is in dealing with these situations and moving on that we show our personal resilience or coping skills.  Each person has a different level of coping skills, just as each person has a different definition of stress.  An event that might seem to me to be nearly impossible to bear, may not make an impact on someone else, and vice versa.  We are, above all else, individuals.  This does not mean that we cannot share common ways to deal with stress.

In general, people who are resilient share some common traits.  They tend to have a defined goal or purpose for their lives.  They know where they are going and they have a plan to get there.  Circumstances that block them are seen as temporary set-backs.  They also tend to have strong problem-solving skills.  They think outside of the box.  They are flexible in their solutions.  They make well-thought out plans and leave themselves alternative plans in case the first attempt fails.  This planning allows them to make the most of their time and effort; it also assists them in success, not because of the plan, but because they are less likely to miss an important step if they are following a detailed plan.  These successes increase their self-esteem and give them a positive outlook.

Self-esteem is also another trait of those who are resilient.  Is it because of an inherent self-esteem or is it because of successes in their lives, which happened because of their ability to plan and focus?  It is difficult to say, but there probably is a correlation. 

Resilient people also tend to have compassionate souls and good people skills.  They care about others and show their care in demonstrative ways.  They establish positive relationships.  This also increases their self-esteem and possibly their rate of success in that they have a larger group of individuals to tap for suggestions when they have a problem to solve.

Having these skills and personal contacts, the resilient person can evaluate several possible solutions to assist them in coping with a difficult situation. With their increased resources, resilient people are less likely to turn to addictive substances, antisocial behaviors, or self-hurting as a way to ease their stress.

You may wonder how you can learn these skills, so that you will have your own set of resources to consult in times of stress.  Resilience may seem out of your reach, but it isn’t.  By connecting with others, encouraging a positive outlook, gaining some basic skills, and finding others who can provide support, you can foster your resilience.   If your family situation doesn’t consist of supportive people, then find support outside the family unit.  Make friends through school, work, house of worship, or volunteer activities. 

Now that you have the support system, you are likely to want to know more about stress and other techniques are there for coping with stress. 

Stress is a normal part of life and the body has a normal reaction to stress: one’s blood pressure rises, one’s heart beats more quickly, the lungs fill and empty more often, and blood flows more quickly to the muscles.  This prepares the body to react to the perceived danger.  When humankind lived in communal groups and hunted for food, the stress reaction helped them to have the speed and strength to successfully hunt and capture food.  It also helped them to escape being food. 

We still have that same physiological response as early humankind had.  Unfortunately, because we do not use the physical reaction, it can cause health problems.  The higher blood pressure is expected if one is running, but it is not good for the body if one is stuck in a chair in a meeting.  The increased oxygen from the faster breathing helps to metabolize the by-products of muscle action.  Increased blood flow feeds the muscles with energy so they can work at maximum efficiency, but if one isn’t using those muscles, the excess blood and oxygen are a wasted resource and may cause swelling in the extremities.  In order to pump the blood to the large muscles, the heart reroutes it away from the digestive system.  This leaves one with swollen legs, high blood pressure, unbalanced oxygen/carbon dioxide levels in the blood, and food that will take longer to digest, increasing the chances of reflux and heartburn.

While our stress is not often of the eat-or-be-eaten type, we still feel stress.  Our stressors usually fit into two categories: physical stressors and emotional/mental stressors.  Physical stressors typically come from being overly busy or trying to take on more than we can actually complete, poor sleep habits, poor diet, and physical illness.  Any of these is difficult on its own, but combined they can be powerful enemies.

Emotional stressors take the form of financial worries, career/job worries, illness of a friend or family member, disagreements with friends/family, retirement worries, or traumatic experiences (which can be the death of a loved one, a marriage/divorce, a move or the loss of a job.)  Some people also have other external stressors such as concern for world peace/war, environmental issues, or other social issues. 

This stress can cause physical symptoms that may not be obviously related, like insomnia, headaches, and backaches.  It can also cause emotional or mental symptoms, like depression, suicidal thoughts, or the desire to hurt oneself. 

Now that we know the physical and emotional components of stress, what else can we do to be more resilient to stress?  I compiled this list in part from the National Mental Health Association’s web site.

1. Be realistic – learn to say “no” when you are asked to take on another task and you know you don’t have the time or energy
2. Don’t expect perfection – from yourself or from others.
3. Take time to meditate, do visualizations, or relaxation exercises.
4. Focus on one task at a time.  If necessary, do the easier tasks first, so that you have a feeling of accomplishment.
5. Take some time to exercise.  It will help burn up the extra oxygen and use the extra blood in your legs. 
6. Spend time with a favorite hobby.
7. Work toward a healthy lifestyle.  Cut out cigarettes, alcohol, illegal drugs, caffeine and heavy foods.  Get enough sleep.
8. Talk with a peer.  Ask them to just listen while you release some energy.  Then, let them do the same.  Sometimes seeing that we are not the only ones who are having a hard time allows us to gain a better perspective.
9. Learn flexibility of thought.  If you find your stress is mainly coming from disagreements with one or more people, re-evaluate your stand.  Maybe it is not as black and white as you currently think it is.  Maybe a compromise could be reached. 

If you are having trouble following these suggestions, consider attending a WRAP group.  We teach these skills as well as many more in WRAP 1.  You will also meet others who have similar issues in their lives and who would make great peer supporters.

Resources:

1. http://www.responseability.org/Eweb/E%20MHT%2002.htm
2. http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/41.cfm